A Letter to Owen, on Your First Day Of Kindergarten

Dear Owen,
There's the old saying that "it seems just like yesterday" (insert memorable moment here) so I'm not going to say the cliches. Quite honestly, while on one hand the last 5 years have flown by, and I do oftentimes wonder when you morphed from the tiny bundle we carried home from the hospital into strong boy before me, on the other hand I feel that these years have also been hard won as we together forged this thing called life, called family...together.
I've made many mistakes along the way and I'm thankful that you love me regardless and hopeful that as you grow older, you'll understand that maybe I don't always have all the answers, or do everything right, but I do my best.

Tomorrow is your first day of kindergarten, and there are times over the last week when I find my breath catch in my throat and doubts seep into my heart - "is he ready?" "will he be okay?" and I worry for you and your tender heart. With our recent discoveries about who you are and what makes you tick and the different and the beautiful way in which you see the world, I find myself wanting to reach out and envelop you in my arms, protect you from all the possible hurts and unfair and unkind things that are out there waiting for you. But then I watch you excitedly pick out your Scooby Doo lunch box, and your Star Wars backpack, and try on your new tennis shoes and I see that you are more ready than I am.
You are ready to handle this new adventure - your quick smile and readiness to forgive and love prepares you for this next step.

Starting school is a rite of passage - a new beginning - and there will be many challenges ahead of you in the next year. I eagerly anticipate you discovering how the letters and words that you love so much come together as you learn to read and the world opens up for you even more. I'm excited to meet your new friends and come to your plays and field days. I pray that the people in your new world will take the time to discover just how gifted and pure and beautiful that you are. You are so special - a curious, generous and engaging child and this gift will be that which draws people in toward you. They will be blessed to know you, Owen - just as we are blessed to call you our own.

Transition begins tomorrow, change has already begun - and while part of me feels uncomfortable at this next stage - this little bit of letting you go - I realize that life is transition, is change. One stage comes and then you roll over into the next and there's not really much you can say or do about it. Life is transition and I'd much rather loosen my grip and enjoy the experience with you than desperately clutch at what is already passing by. Embrace each day, welcome what's new, live with your heart wide open - which I know you do, and never be afraid.

You will learn much in the next year, my son, but perhaps more important are the lessons that you have taught me - to love unconditionally, to easily forgive, to explore, get dirty, discover life in a real and tangible way. That everything can be FELT. Everything is an experience. That I don't have to understand you to love you.

You are capable of anything and I am so proud to be your mom.

Have a super fantabulous first day of kindergarten tomorrow!

I love you to the moon and back.


mama