The Flight Attendant

My MIL sent me this forward today and I thought it was funny enough to be blog-worthy.

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who
seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.
As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and
told us that "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays
up, that would be super." On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle.

"Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines honey, but I asked you
to raise your trays, so the main man can pitty-pat us down to the ground."

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a
Princess and I take orders from no one."
To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing abeat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, Bitch."

Come again??

Today at the Perkins pool, AJ was holding on to the edge and pulling himself around the pool, being a choochoo train. "Woowoo!" he says.
"mama! Come be a train with me!"

I slip in the pool and start pulling myself around the edge with him. "woowoo!" i say.

"no mama. *I'm* the engine. You go back"

I go around him to the other side so he can lead and be the engine.
"that's it, mama. good job!"

"woowoo!" i say. "here comes the train!"
"no mama. I'm the engine. you don't say 'woowoo'. just me"
"oh. sorry. what do i do?"

"you be quiet" he says. "you're the bacoose" he states firmly.
"the what?"
"the bacoose"
"the caboose?" i ask.
"NO. the. bacoose"

right.

A Conversation with A.J.

This morning. Stumbling groggily about the house - regretting staying up WAY too late the night prior. Sipping my coffee. Fielding never-ending requests from children for various items that they desire.
Toys on t.v.
Bacon for breakfast.
Help me put my underwear back on after i pee.
etc.
etc.

A.J. (whining): maaaamaaaaa.
Me: what?
A.J: i waaannnnntttttt sumpin' to eat.
Me: in a minute
A.J: but I waaaannnnttt sumpn' to EAT!
Me: You know what I want, A.J.?
A.J: huh?
Me: I want 7 minutes to take a shower without kids coming in.
I want to sleep past 7:01 a.m. just ONE morning.
A pedicure.
The ability to fit into my old size 10 jeans.
And a maid.
A.J. (patting my hand): Oooohhhh. sorry mama. Maybe ta-morrow.

Yup. maybe tomorrow.

Thunderstorms on a Thursday Morning

I rather like thunderstorms. And we had some HUGE ones last night....from about 3am on it seemed as if there was a monster thunderstorm directly over our house - lightning flashing constantly, huge booms of thunder immediately following. It was the most impressive thunderstorm I've witnessed in years, and it last through until about 8:30a.m. or so. Steve, who is NOT a huge fan of storms, commented before he got up this morning that it was "like a storm straight out of a horror movie".

Tuesday we had a volleyball match up near Atlanta, so I loaded up all 3 boys in the school bus (which they think is SO fun) and we all road up with the team together. Steve's mom graciously volunteered to come and pick them up at the game and take them to her house until Friday, when I'll be BACK in Atlanta again, for yet another volleyball match, at which time I'll pick them up and take them home with me.

All that to say that after Steve-o left for work this morning, I opened the blinds on the windows and lay in bed with Tyler - lightning flashing up the still-dark skies and thunder crashing every few seconds... and just enjoyed the storm with my baby.
And then we went back to bed and slept.
Until 10:30 a.m.
And it was fabulous.
What a great way to spend the morning.

DOH!

So I had a senior session yesterday......and halfway through the session I realize that I have my ISO set to 800.

DOH! *smacks head*

Luckily, Canon performs fairly well at high ISO's (much better than that *other* brand -->insert cheeky grin here<----), but STILL......ugh. What a dumb mistake.

Note to self: Don't be such an idiot next time you take pictures.

What to do in Albany? That is the question....

Ok, Albanians.....my brother and his family (read, wife and 4 kids) are coming to visit us next week and I've been pondering what in the HECK to do around here for fun. Anyone have any suggestions?? The weather is so hot that doing anything outside for a prolonged period of time is out of the question.....especially considering that my brother and his fam are coming from Michigan and their blood is about as thin as Nicole Ritchie's arms and being exposed to Georgia heat and humidity will have them withered, wet, and nearing evaporation if they are without air conditioning for longer than 26 minutes.

So.....what to do?? And PLEASE....no one say the Riverquarium...because if I wanted to blow $22 to look at RIVER fish, I'd.....nevermind. Who would want to blow $22 to look at trout??

Wise Words

Since the boys got home from preschool (all of one hour ago) they have been bouncing off the walls and doing the one thing that most drives me to insanity: screaming loudly for no apparent reason other than to make me want to tear off my own ears with needle nose pliers.
They particularly enjoy the game of : Scream at Cooper and turn him into some sort of crazed-eyed race dog, butt tucked low, ripping around the House like Cujo. Now, Cooper thoroughly enjoys it....I'm considering locking myself in the closet and sucking my thumb. "Dear God, make me a bird, so I can fly...far far away from here".

Anyway, after about the 10th blood-curdling scream from one crazy boychild or another, AND repeated requests to "please, settle down and stop screaming" I had reached the end of my rope. In one of my finer mothering moments, I SCREAM,
"STOP IT! STOP THAT CRAZY SCREAMING! THE NEXT PERSON THAT SCREAMS GETS SOAP IN THEIR MOUTH!"

Did I just say that? Did I just threaten the soap-in-the-mouth punishment? My mother washed my mouth out with soap once, I think when I was about 10. I probably said something like, "fart" or "gosh" - but I think she must've had a similar disdain for the soap-in-the-mouth punishment, because I only remember it happening once. Regardless, I gear myself up to be the Enforcer, because well, now that I've threatened I have to follow through or they'll think I'm a pushover. A joke. A pansie. And I'm no pansie, dangit! (sorry mom, don't wash out my mouth with soap). I wait for the inevitable: disobedience.

Not 5 minutes later, Owen very distinguishable high-frequency shrieking is heard.
*sigh*

Me (stepping into the bathroom): Owen, come here.
Owen (grabbing his butt): I don't wanna spank me!
Me: I'm not going to spank you.
I lift him up and set him on the counter. Grab the soap dispenser.
Me: Open your mouth.
Owen: (whimpering)
Me: Open.
He opens his mouth. I squirt an amount the size of Tyler's big toenail on his tongue.

Spitting, coughing, spluttering, Owen says, "YUCK! That's yucky mama!"
Me: Yes, it is. Maybe you should think about that the next time you use your mouth to scream at Cooper in the house.
Owen: Soap will make me sick mama.
Me: You're not sick.
Owen: Oh yeah (moaning) I'm siiiiicccccckkk.
Me: No, you're not.
Owen: (verging on the edge of sassy) Yes! Sick!
Me: Are you lying to me now?
And I could almost see the wheels turning in his head - he no doubt was remembering earlier this week when he got a discipline for lying to me....lying, this new concept of his ("by george! if I say I didn't do it, then AJ will get in trouble and not me!")

Owen: sorry, mama. I'm not sick!! I'm better!
Me: Good!
Owen: Soap makes you sick. And Screaming makes you sick.
Me: And lying?
Owen: You get a spank!

Binky Thief

Helllloooooo??

*echo, echo, echo.....*

Ok, I *THINK* I've closed this blog off to the public. Crazy the way they set it up....I have to enter the email addresses of everyone I want to be able to read it. Seems like it would be easier to just have it password protected or something....

Anyway...is anyone out there?? Is this working? Is it complicated? What's going on? Where is everyone??

*crickets chirping*

I'll just go sit in the corner and suck my thumb until I hear from someone.

Bookmark It!

Bookmark it!

Here's my new photoblog: http://tamminowackphotography.blogspot.com/

Only a few hours left and this blog is history! Well....history for the general public anyway. :)

Reminder...

Don't forget, only 2 days until this blog becomes private so email me if you want to remain on "the list"!! I'll mostly keep this blog for family and friends, but I might let a few select "strangers" (really, who's a stranger in blogging land??) read it too. But everyone else, don't worry - I'll have a photoblog up and running soon for you!

Email me at: lifecaptured@yahoo.com

Back to School!

Owen, AJ, and Steve-o were all heading back to school bright and early this morning. Steve-o wasn't exactly ready to get back to the grind (me either, I've liked having him home:( ), but the boys were super excited to go back to "school" which is actually 3 half-days of preschool a week. They had a great time last week picking out lunchboxes and backpacks and if I had a dollar for everytime I was asked, "is it time for go to school yet?" this morning, I'd be able to afford to have all my upholstery professionally cleaned of it's jelly stains.

If I'd have been thinking, I would've taken a picture of Steve-o on his first day back when he left this morning, but at 7 am, I was barely coherent and in need of a coffee.
So here's the boys...some true snapshots - and please forgive the haze on them...According to the weatherman, the heat index was "only" 106 this morning, but that was ample enough heat to fog up my camera lens when I carried it outside this morning.....

Owenism

We usually paint every Wednesday or Thursday, because the entire city of Albany is delivered a free newspaper on Wednesday and we use the newspaper under the paint. Got it??
Anyway, we hit Hobby Lobby this a.m. and bought some $1 wood trinkets -tiny birdhouses, airplanes, boats, etc (GREAT cheap afternoon activity for all you moms out there!) and I set up the paint stuff on the kitchen table after lunch.

Me: Time to paint!
Them: SCREAMS of ecstasy...."YAY!!! PAINT!!!" (they're easily amused)

Owen sits down at his paint station and says,

"Boy...paint is great, lemme tell you...."

And proceeds to go into a 45 second monologue on the joys of paint, and the color he has chosen to start with today, Orange.
It may not seem like much but it always takes me aback when my firstborn baby sounds so grown up.

Important Blogosphere News

Well....important to anyone out there who reads my blog.....

For a myriad of reasons,

I will be making this blog private one week from today

Of course family and friends (those I've met and those I haven't) and the occasional lurker will still be welcome, but you must send me your email address if you'd like to stay on "the list" to keep reading this blog.

Email me at: lifecaptured@yahoo.com to get on the list - even family needs to do this, because really......like I have time to look up all your email addresses to send you the secret, top-notch security access code. :)

Anyway, for those of you who lurk and don't know me from Adam but have a freakish draw towards my excellent photography: No doubt you are praising to the heavens that you no longer have to read my everyday blather but are tearing your clothes and covering yourself in mourning ashes because you no longer get to see my pictures. Good news! A new, Tammi Nowack Photoblog is coming soon, so you can keep up with photos, business news, and specials with Tammi Nowack Photography!! Some other special surprises coming too.....So keep checking back!

Just for Fun

Wanted: Wooden Sword

Got a photo idea swirling around in my brain....I need a child's wooden sword. And a shield would be nice too, but not necessary.
Rudimentary, very simple, nothing too fancy....can anyone accommodate?? If I had any smidgen of woodworking talent in my body, I'd make one myself, but that's about as likely as Britney Spears winning a Nobel Prize for astro-physics.

I'm willing to pay....anyone? anyone??

Help a girl out.

My 3 Boys

Man, am I ever blessed.

A Smile....or Gas??

You decide.

Slurp your Blog

So...you love blogging, right? You journal through it, post pictures of your family on it, log your daily life, vent your frustrations, comment on world events, ponder the meaning of life, and attempt to solve the issue of world peace??

What should you do to commemorate your Year(s) of Blog?? Slurp it!

Blurb is a company that I've used before, so I can attest to their quality...You can't get much more bang for your buck that Blurb! Here's how it works: you can design a book (cookbook, photo book, book of poetry, whatever) and they bind it into a hardback marvel that looks like something you might pick up with a venti chai latte while you're at the local Barnes & Noble.
But now it gets better! Go HERE and download the software to Slurp My Blog! and Blurb will automatically copy your entire blog and format it into a hardbound book for you for a very reasonable price. Pretty cool, huh??

Check it Out!

Monday Morning

My new favorite image of Ty.....

Casey's Blanket

Tyler is blessed with creative family! Grandma N knitted him a blanket, as did Casey.
Here's the one that Casey made - he either knit or crocheted it (one of those two, I'm not sure what the difference is but he can do both) - Isn't it beautiful??

Cost of a C-Section in 2007

The insurance statements have been rolling in and I was perusing the one from the hospital over my Cheerios this morning.....interested to hear some figures for a 2007 C-Section??

OB/PVT - $814 (although this doesn't include the Doctor's fee for the 45 minutes it took to actually DO the surgery, which was in the neighborhood of $4,000 -- not bad for an hour's work, eh?)
PHARMACY - $680 (and heck yes, I milked that one for all it's worth)
DRUGS/OTHER-$394
IV THERAPY - $1,115.82
STERILE SUPPLY - $1,611.48 (I didn't really have much "sterile" supply other than a few gauze bandages on my incision after the surgery, so those must have been some REALLY fancy-schmancy maxi pads they gave me)
OR SERVICES - $3,801.00
ANESTHESIA -$402 (they better have given me a discount for the 10 minutes of nausea and near-unconsciousness they accidentally induced)
SELF-ADMINISTRABLE DRUGS-$194.95 (Now THAT was nice....a direct line of drug-inducing euphoria shot into my veins at the mere push of button. Used for less than 12 hours, but I guess legal self-induced IV drugs are hard to come by these days)
RECOVERY ROOM - $853 (I can't believe we paid $853 to have a nurse literally put her hands on my incision and smash on it for an hour. Rooms that output a large deal of pain should be discounted, in my opinion)

And a myriad of other miscellaneous items.....

Grand total so far?? $12,071.84, not including the doctor and anesthesiologists fees of course.

But having Tyler born happy and healthy (thank the LORD)??

PRICELESS, of course!

Birth Announcement Reject

I did Tyler's Birth Announcement tonight....here's the one that DIDN'T make the cut:

Weird Quirk

Confession:

I have a horrible real-life, recurring fear of RE-running over dead animals in the road.

See road kill.
Swerve to avoid.
Consider the horrific possibility of re-squishing/crunching dead animal.
See in vivid detail blood and guts smooshing on tires and underside of car.
Imagine the feel of the crunch of poor little dead mammal under tires.
Experience grand-maul shudder. Goose bumps cover entire body.
Gag repeatedly.
Almost throw-up.
Recover.


I had a close call with a dead armadillo tonight.

3 Weeks Old

Some recent pics of Tyler.....






I'm also working on birth announcements, but between photo shoots, volleyball, family visiting from out of town, and ...oh yeah, 3 little boys and a husband -- I've barely had time to catch my breath, let alone get birth announcements designed! LOL
Hoping to get some done up this weekend! So hang in there grandparents and family....announcement and pics of the little man are coming soon to a mailbox near you!!

-isms

Tonight after the volleyball game, we're home and Owen and I are sitting on the couch...AJ's in the bathroom:

Owen (yelling): AJ! WHATCHA DOIN??

AJ (also yelling): WEAVE ME AWONE!

Owen: WHAT?!?!

AJ: WEAVE! ME! AWONE!

Owen: YOU POOP'N AJ?

AJ: YAH! I'S POOP'N!

Owen: OK! DON'T FORGET TA WIPE AND WASH YOUR HANDS!!

AJ: WHAT?!?!

Owen: I SAID, DON'T FORGET TA WIPE AND WASH YOUR HANDS! WITH SOAP!

AJ: OK OWEN!!

Owen: THANK YOU AJ!!

AJ: YOU'RE WELCOME OWEN!

Owen: YOU WANT SOME BLUEBERRIES WHEN YOU'RE DONE GOIN' POTTY AJ??

AJ: OKAY! I BE THERE IN A MINUTE! I POOP AND THEN I EAT BLUBERRIES, OK OWEN??

Owen: OK AJ!!

AJ: THANK YOU OWEN!

Owen: YOU'RE WELCOME AJ!

Youthful Honesty

My friend Ginny's adorable child Camryn and I had an interesting dialog this afternoon:

Camryn: Can I hold the baby??

Me: You'll have to wait a few minutes, I have to feed him first.

Camryn: What does he eat?

Me: Milk

(I proceed to settle Tyler and myself in for a feeding session)

Camryn: (eyes wide in curiosity) WHAT are you doing??

Me: I'm feeding him

Camryn: Why is your shirt up like THAT?

Me: Welllll.....Some mommies feed their babies with a bottle and some mommies feed their babies like this.
With their boobs.

Camryn: That is VERY silly.

Me: yup.