Wise Words

Since the boys got home from preschool (all of one hour ago) they have been bouncing off the walls and doing the one thing that most drives me to insanity: screaming loudly for no apparent reason other than to make me want to tear off my own ears with needle nose pliers.
They particularly enjoy the game of : Scream at Cooper and turn him into some sort of crazed-eyed race dog, butt tucked low, ripping around the House like Cujo. Now, Cooper thoroughly enjoys it....I'm considering locking myself in the closet and sucking my thumb. "Dear God, make me a bird, so I can fly...far far away from here".

Anyway, after about the 10th blood-curdling scream from one crazy boychild or another, AND repeated requests to "please, settle down and stop screaming" I had reached the end of my rope. In one of my finer mothering moments, I SCREAM,
"STOP IT! STOP THAT CRAZY SCREAMING! THE NEXT PERSON THAT SCREAMS GETS SOAP IN THEIR MOUTH!"

Did I just say that? Did I just threaten the soap-in-the-mouth punishment? My mother washed my mouth out with soap once, I think when I was about 10. I probably said something like, "fart" or "gosh" - but I think she must've had a similar disdain for the soap-in-the-mouth punishment, because I only remember it happening once. Regardless, I gear myself up to be the Enforcer, because well, now that I've threatened I have to follow through or they'll think I'm a pushover. A joke. A pansie. And I'm no pansie, dangit! (sorry mom, don't wash out my mouth with soap). I wait for the inevitable: disobedience.

Not 5 minutes later, Owen very distinguishable high-frequency shrieking is heard.
*sigh*

Me (stepping into the bathroom): Owen, come here.
Owen (grabbing his butt): I don't wanna spank me!
Me: I'm not going to spank you.
I lift him up and set him on the counter. Grab the soap dispenser.
Me: Open your mouth.
Owen: (whimpering)
Me: Open.
He opens his mouth. I squirt an amount the size of Tyler's big toenail on his tongue.

Spitting, coughing, spluttering, Owen says, "YUCK! That's yucky mama!"
Me: Yes, it is. Maybe you should think about that the next time you use your mouth to scream at Cooper in the house.
Owen: Soap will make me sick mama.
Me: You're not sick.
Owen: Oh yeah (moaning) I'm siiiiicccccckkk.
Me: No, you're not.
Owen: (verging on the edge of sassy) Yes! Sick!
Me: Are you lying to me now?
And I could almost see the wheels turning in his head - he no doubt was remembering earlier this week when he got a discipline for lying to me....lying, this new concept of his ("by george! if I say I didn't do it, then AJ will get in trouble and not me!")

Owen: sorry, mama. I'm not sick!! I'm better!
Me: Good!
Owen: Soap makes you sick. And Screaming makes you sick.
Me: And lying?
Owen: You get a spank!