Remember these lines from the movie, You've Got Mail?--------------
Joe Fox: [talking via email, to who he doesn’t know is Kathleen Kelly] Have you ever become the worst version of yourself. That a pandora's box of all the hateful things, your spite, your arrogance, your condecension has sprung open? Someone upsets you and instead of smiling and walking away... you zing them. "Hello it's Mr Nasty". I'm sure you have no idea what I'm talking about...
Kathleen Kelly: [talking via email, to who she doesn’t know is Joe Fox] No I know exactly what you mean and I'm completely jealous. When I'm confronted by someone I get tongue tied and my mind goes blank. Then I spend the rest of the night tossing and turning over what i should have said. For example what should I have recently said to… [meaning confrontation with Joe]
Kathleen Kelly:…a bottom dweller who recently belittled my existance. [stops and thinks] Kathleen Kelly:Nothing... even now days later I still can't figured it out...
Joe Fox: Wouldn’t it be great if I could pass all my zingers to you, then I could always be nice and you could be nasty whenever you wanted to be. Although I must warn you... when you eventually have the pleasure of saying the thing you want to say at the moment you’re wanting to say it... remorse eventually follows...
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Generally, I'm think fairly fast on my feet. I can easily banter back and forth with someone, and throw in the occasional witty zinger. But is that a blessing, or a curse?
Yesterday, I posted the videos of Tyler's various messes over the last week or so, and in order to post them on here, I first had to publicly post them on Youtube. It doesn't bother me to put them up on the internet for the world to see, mainly because the clips are only 30 seconds long in length and have no identifying information in them. If some stranger in Oklahoma wants to watch a video of my kid with oatmeal on his head.... whatever.
So....the possibility is there for comments from people that I don't know (like the 5th grader that commented on AJ's "Itchy Cast" video saying...." I feel ur pain".
Well, last night I check my email and see that I have two comments from someone on Tyler's Egg Video from yesterday.
The comments were from the same person and they were laughably absurd. I wish I had saved them so I could cut and paste them here.
The basic gist of it was: I can't believe you let your kid get so messy, just so you can show it to the world on youtube. It's testament to what a bad parent you are to let your kids be so disgusting.....blah, blah, blah. It was a long comment.
I laughed. Seriously, what an idiot.
So then I deleted her comments, and closed the video comment section so that no one could comment on them. I know some people on youtube post videos because they WANT a lot of comments and attention, but I only use youtube as a means to an end (to post videos here and on Facebook for my family and friends to see).
And then I left it alone and didn't think about it again.
yeah, right.
No. OH NO.....
Instead....feeling the need to "inform" this woman of the petty, insecure, judgemental, idiotic, irrelevant dumbass that she was, I sent her a message via her youtube contact page.
And here's where Mister Nasty came out.
It was a clever message - Dismissive, but scathing. Belittling, but with pointed sarcasm. Brief enough to convey that I don't have time for her, but lengthly enough to convey my message. Pointing out the pathetic nature of a person who trolls youtube at night making judgemental commentary on the parenting styles of people that she doesn't even know. It was intentionally nonchalant, with biting undertones. I'll spare you the details. Suffice to say, it was ugly. Ugly wrapped up in a witty, educated delivery.
It was unneccessary. But it made me feel better.
For a minute.
And then as Joe Fox said....."remorse inevitably follows".
Words can cut deep.....I know that. I've experienced it quite a bit in my 29 years- which is maybe how I learned it myself. Sure, it can be a fun "tool"....when your'e joking around or trying to be funny with your friends. But if you make me mad? Insult me or my family? Watch out- because my tongue will lash out at you and cut you to pieces. Where does that come from?? How do some people "know" how to do that so well, and other's don't? Or maybe the "others" just exercise more self-control. Sadly, more often than not - I hold back from completely tearing someone to shreds. Somehow I KNOW what it is....what words I COULD say if I wanted to, that would cut you straight to the bone. I'm also a fairly perceptive person - in more ways than one - so I also can somehow....just know. Know your weakness, know your insecurity, know your deepest fear - and I could put my finger on it and press. If I wanted to. I guess my basic desire to be a generally good and loving person keeps me from going there.
Makes me real approachable, huh? Maybe a little bit more about me than you wanted to know, eh?? Well, this is me being real. *sigh*
Just a humbling reminder this Wednesday morning of the ugliness of my heart, the power of words and the danger of a sharp tongue.
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Where do you fall on the "Zinger" scale?? Do you get tongue tied and then spend the next 4 hours thinking of what you should've said?? Or do you open your mouth and "zing" them?? Feel free to discuss. I think I need an intervention.
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"But the tongue no man can tame, an unquiet evil, full of deadly poison."
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4 comments:
I am one of those that comes up with a looooong list of things that I should have said after the fact. The problem with that is that I tend to obsess over that situation for a long time because I didn't say what I wanted. So I don't know what one is better. Actually saying the things that come to your mind, or keeping it to yourself and getting even uglier behind peoples back. Its a catch 22 for me. *sigh*
And on a side note... I use vimeo.com to upload my videos. You can actually make it pretty private. I know this may not be true, but for some reason it feels more secure than youtube to me. :)
I'm generally one of the ones who gets too pissed to think about what to say back. Odds are that if I get pissed it's more likely to turn physical rather than verbal.
I know that feeling of remorse far too well! My mouth has gotten me into more trouble than I care to list here, but I do hold my tongue A LOT. It's just that sometimes, and I don't know why, I HAVE TO fire back at people. Doesn't help that my favorite targets are authority figures who, in my opinion, are abusing that authority or are undeserving of it and stupid people who are sucking up to those authority figures.
My heart is ugly. I have this year, having tried since in High School resolved to have my mouth speak clean words. I can't tell you have damn ...er...really hard it is. That includes picking, nagging and generally *itchiness.
especially with my kids. When I teach parenting classes I say..."would you say THAT to one of your friends?"...and if not..why on earth would you scream it at your kids.
Excellent post my friend...Excellent.
"And Swear Not"
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