I'm Pouting

Because no one comments/reads/blogs anymore.

What's the deal out there???
Why is bloggerland so slow???

Pictures of Steve-o on his birthday gains THREE comments?
The Aydenism gets me TWO? Come on, people - that stuff was HILARIOUS. Because I'm the only one in the house who doesn't have a penis. Get it?
Pictures of cutest six year old in the universe only warrants ONE comment?? Seriously?!

Don't you people realize I'm a middle child?? I don't just write this blog for my own health and entertainment you know.....I do it of course, for the validation and self-worth I derive from the comments and moral support of others. Yes I do gain esteem from menial acts of contrition by people in the blogosphere, thankyouverymuch.

Shout out.....or I'm going on strike.

I Suspected As Much

Being a middle child, I'm accustomed to being overlooked and/or ignored and having to fight for attention and rights. So I guess when I read this, I wansn't too surprised, but I thought, "well, that figures"

:)

This is me being glass half empty

I can tell already that it's going to be a very bad day. Ever have days like that?
By 8 am there was:
1) MUCH fighting and threatening of spanking because "will you PLEASE just get your freaking school clothes on?" is apparently not clear enough instructions for my 5 year old. Neither is: "GO.BRUSH.YOUR.TEETH.RIGHT.THIS.SECOND" in my "I'm about to go postal on your tiny hiney" voice.

2) the last of the Frosted Mini Wheats and all the crumbs in the bottom of the box dumped on the kitchen floor. FYI - Frosted Mini Wheat crumbs are VERY tiny, and make a VERY large mess.

3) One cardboard circle (from a pizza? I don't know) whipped around the house, stuck in the doorjam, and hitting me in the head. Twice.

4) Multiple instances of crying, tattling, and whining. All before I can even get the coffee brewed.

5) Dog food tossed in the dog water, and dog water splashed all over the floor in the laundry room.

6) One dumped bowl of cereal (tyler). And it wasn't enough to just dump it on his highchair tray. THEN, he thought it would be a good idea to violently wipe his hands around in it and spray milk and Kix in a 2 foot vicinity around him.

7) Tyler climbed on top of the kitchen table 6 times. SIX.

8) A battery powered Thomas the Tank Engine tossed in the master bathroom toilet. Aggravating only because the boys' bathroom toilet is currently out of commission from Tyler tossing something in there LAST week. After I fished out Thomas from the crapper, I whipped him across the bedroom (Thomas, not Tyler). That made me feel a little better.

9) A yet-undiscovered Pee-the-Bed incident. Picking up toys in the boys room, I stumble across some very WET, very ODOROUS pajamas.
"Did you pee the bed last night?" I ask AJ
[thinking] "Nope. I peed my pajamas."

This is all before 8 am. I can't WAIT to see what the rest of the day has in store.

Restless

I feel restless.
Bored.

We've been in Albany almost 3 years now and I feel like we're knocking on the door of wearing out our welcome. I think there's something in me that desires frequent change, new scenery....and I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
Winds of change blow loudly in my ears these days.



I want to move.
Or take a vacation.
Or find a new hobby.
Or start a new project.
Or see something new.

Restlessness.
Rolls around every few years.
Chews at my soul.

September 11

We all remember this date, and it's impact on our nation's history and fellow countrymen. Indeed, one of the darkest days that I've personally witnessed in my 29 years on this earth. It's easy to forget, to brush it under the rug as the years pass (7 of them now) but I think it's good to remember that there are people who are ever-more reminded on this particular day that they no longer have a brother, a husband, a wife, a son, a daughter....

Also on this day my heart is also burdened with a family that we know personally, who lost their father/husband on this day last year from suicide. They have trudged on, as do most families who fall victim to senseless tragedy, but I'm sure today is a hard day for them. If you're praying type, send one out for Kendyl today, and her girls - and her young son.

Our friend DanO is in NYC working for RenewNYC. He attended the 9-11 memorial this morning and he sent me these words and pictures:

My heart hurts today. As the "I love you" and "I miss you" balloons soared into the air this morning, I was overcome; overcome with my complete insignificance, my perceived needs and my ever-effacing weakness and fallability. How do you explain to children about their mom or dad? How do you come to that decision to leap from the burning building some 100 stories from the ground to certain death, knowing if you stay that inevitability faces you as well. The courage to manage enough control to find peace and make that decision... Today is the 7th anniversary of September 11, 2001. Most of our Nation has slowly put it behind them...the healthiest and most pragmatic approach. Not here though. The streets of Lower Mahattan where I work are lined with tens of thousands of mourners. Its the collective grieving and the bell tolling outside my window that shows this pain may never ebb. Many people I work with here are survivors; in the towers when they were struck that early Tuesday morning seven years ago. There are no politics, no sides, no parties. They're Catholics and Protestants, Jews and Gentiles, Muslims and Athiests, standing side by side, together as one. As each name is read and as the family members move down a ramp to the bottom of the hole where the towers stood, I reflect with great emotion how fortunate I am. How loved I am, How precious my moments here are as a woefully imperfect human being. Please take a minute to reflect on what you value and who you love. Tell them, show them, share with them. Pray for one another for no other reason but because you love them. As this next 60 minutes unfolds, allow your perspective to empathaize with those who were called from us that day.

Tropical Storm Fay = Big Puddles

Yesterday we got hammered with rain all day (as local readers already know-duh) but it let up and was a pleasant deluge every now and then. Here's AJ whoop'n it up in the puddle between our house and the neighbor's house - there's a low spot there and it always FILLS with water and washes into the street every time it rains. Makes for lovely splashing. :)

{as always, click to enlarge}

I think he looks like such a big kid in this photo...

Cooper got in on the action as well

One of the things I love about rainy days is the excuse to stay in. I've come to realize that, over the last few years, (and especially with kids) I've become more of a homebody. Not that I like to SIT around my house and do nothing...because I like to stay busy - but that I like to be home. And rainy days are cozy, and warm, and give me good excuse to just stay in our house and read books, or watch t.v., or bake. And it's even better when it's a weekend and Steve-o is home too.

Here's a snapshot I stole this morning of Steve-o and Tyler on the couch.

Hope you all had a great weekend!

Bring on the Rain

Forgive my infrequent blogging the last several days, but it would seem that our family has adopted a new slogan/old adage, "when it rains, it pours" as of late, that has me feeling moody - and not in the mood to write blogs.

In the grand scheme of things, all is well - everyone is healthy, our family is together for the summer and enjoying much r&r and fun times together....but in the "little" things - we've been hit with the whammy's and the double whammy's that have taken a toll on our finances, and for some reason that always seems HUGE when you're in the thick of it. I guess it takes blogging to realize that we're all fine, healthy, together, enjoying our summer to realize that "that money stuff" isn't so important....as long as we make our house payment and pay our bills (fingers crossed). Just one of those months I guess - that has me feeling sorry for myself and wishing that life didn't fall on our heads all at once.

From physicals and dentist appointments for Owen before school starts, to a rather pricey trip to the dentist for Steve (and more to come), an upcoming dentist appointment for AJ, a trip to the eye doctor for me, and a $60 bottle of eyedrops for my scratched cornea. Not to mention still recovering from Owen's trip to the specialist in Atlanta last month and upcoming therapies- NONE of which are covered by our insurance. Throw on top of that everyone's recent burden of increased prices of groceries (and our family of always-hungry boys) and gas at $5 a gallon and I'm just over here taking a deep breath and hoping we get through the worst of it soon.
When it rains, it pours, indeed.

Where's my umbrella?

Pass the Straight Jacket, if you please

It's the first week of summer vacation for the boys.
No preschool.
No YMCA activities (for now).

Kids all up at 7am.
Kids don't go to bed until 7:30 p.m.

12.5 hours of non-stop preschool boys and 10 month old baby that derives great pleasure from hanging off my body for 8 hours a day.
Every day.
For the last 6 days.
BOYS. Did I mention the fact that they are mildly animalistic BOYS?? Because that makes a difference you know.

I'm feeling a little mental.

If you catch me making potholders and numbly spooning Tapioca, then call someone. Because I will officially have GONE CRAZY.

He Makes A Difference

This has been a hard week for Steve.
Anxiety, sadness, disappointment, anger, tears, frustration, love, support that is so heartwarming it's heartbreaking.....it's all been a blur of many emotions over the last 5 days that have crashed together from all different directions and many different people and snowballed themselves through this week.

Last night at graduation, I stood back after the ceremony and I watched my husband. And I watched students flocking to be near him, to laugh with him. I saw past graduates wait in the wings for their turn to talk with him, to tell him their stories, to share their life with him. I saw parent after parent come up, put their arm around him, speak sincerely to him.

The students of all kinds - the "outcasts" love him because he talks to them, invests in them, makes a point of getting inside their world. The fact that this teacher so obviously cares for them and loves them sincerely for who they are matters so significantly to them that you can see their appreciation for this man all over their faces. I see them pull out their phones and type in each other's cell phone numbers. Their phones no doubt scarce with contact numbers of friends, his full of the names and numbers of students of whom he's invested in.

The athletes stop by and say hey, tell him they'll miss him, give him hugs. He tells each one that if they ever need anything to call him. And he means it.

The "cool kids" come by one by one, or in their groups to give him hugs and tell him how much they'll miss him. He takes time to speak to each one genuinely - to tell them they did a great job on their speech, or poke fun at them, or laugh over an inside joke. His charisma spans social groups and personalities. He is loved by all.

And then I watch as parent after parent comes by - astonished that he is leaving, shaking their heads in disbelief and sadness. Three of them cry.

Each graduate makes it a point to seek him out and say goodbye. We are some of the last to leave.

He is a rare breed - this man who honestly and whole-heartedly invests in the lives of his students. This teacher who gives of himself completely and yearns to be a part of their story. Who meets them for lunch and buys them coffee and speaks to them in the hallway and sits at their lunch tables. Who challenges them spiritually and as leaders and as athletes and as human beings.
He has truly made a difference, and there aren't very many people who can say that.

And to the people at SCA who brought about these events: You are damn fools for letting him go.

Sobering Thoughts

one more "depressing" blog today and then I'm done.

I just saw a little blip on the news (which I typically avoid, because it depresses me) about the death tolls from the earthquake in china...how they're estimating it could get as high as 50,000. And then there's the estimated number of people dead from the Cyclone in Myanmar - about 20,000. That's 70,000.
70,000 PEOPLE.

It's so hard to fathom numbers like that. Especially when it's about human beings. And it's so easy to forget about "those poor people" over there because it's so far removed from us. I guess I was just reflecting on the sheer amount of LIFE that has been lost in the last 2 weeks, just from these two catastrophic events. 70,000 people....who had families, and jobs, and kids, and parents. Who laughed over dinner with friends, who played games with their kids, or who were kids themselves...who chuckled with their neighbors and had dreams for their future. Gone.

It's unfathomable, isn't it?
And it makes me sad right this minute.

Entertain Me

I'm bored.

I have things that I COULD be doing.
That I SHOULD be doing.

But inevitably, I'll either
a) start them and be interrupted by Tyler waking from his nap and needing my full attention or
b) succumb to my lack of motivation and not even start one of my many projects

Why aren't you people blogging more? I'm bored.
Blog already.
I need something to read.

Sunday Morning Church Time!

Present!

Say WHAT?!

This morning, when I picked the boys up from preschool I was given a registration packet just in case we wanted to enroll Owen in Sherwood's kindergarten next year. I have a lot to say on the words "just in case" and the face that it's more like the unspoken rule: "do it or you're fired", but I won't go into that here, now.
Anyway, let me pick my jaw up off the floor to relay this information to you and you can either agree that the costs of sending Owen to Sherwood are absolutely LAUGHABLE or...tell me I'm crazy and to get over it.

Try this on for size: Your wee 5 year old boy is preparing to enter kindergarten in the fall. You open your welcome packet and peruse your costs. Here's what you see:

New Student Application & Testing Fee: $50
Initial Registration Fee: $300
"Tuition Assurance Fee" I'm still trying to figure out what this means: $150
Technology Fee: $100

So...right off the bat, we've got to pay $600 UP FRONT before the school year even starts. THEN, throw in the actual tuition of $4,425.00 available in low monthly payments of only $442.50, just to make things a little easier on you, thankyouverymuch. NOW, granted that we would get a small discount, considering that Steve is employed by the school, but I'm not sure how much - 15%, 25% maybe?

Oh yes, but let's not forget the UNIFORMS, which absolutely MUST be purchased by XX Uniform Company because they are of the utmost quality and affordable to the masses
the school gets a kickback for it.

So....let's go minimalist and say that we get the O-dawg 2 pants, 2 shorts, 3 short-sleeve shirts, and 3 long-sleeve shirts. The total for that small wardrobe (that he can't wear anywhere else but to school, and may outgrow half of part way during the school year)?? That would cost $204.90 plus tax. Oh, and heck, let's throw in a sweatshirt for the couple of months it's cold out - that'll be an extra $25.45. And a hooded jacket for the spring? Well, sure! $30.74 please, bringing our grand total bare minimum clothing cost to: $261.09. Plus tax. And please don't tear them, or get them dirty, or grow out of them because little boys never do things like that.

SO our total for my 50lb little boy to start learning how to read at SCA in the fall will be approximately $5286.09. Throw in a few hundred in incidentals (field trips, christmas parties, cupcakes for the class on your birthday, etc. etc) and you have enough money to take the fam to Aruba for 2 weeks over spring break.

I vote for Aruba.

Grouchy

Tidbits

Kids up and at 'em by 6:00 AM. It was STILL DARK OUT. That is sin.

Friend Dan was in town for the extended weekend. Flew back to NY this morning. Sad friend Lisa left in the wake. Bummer.

Burnt my finger making Mickey Mouse pancakes this morning. Ouch.

Our one and ONLY tv broke this morning. Damn.

Steve-o will be gone until late tonight to a basketball game. Bored children, cold weather, no good ideas for fun activities. Ugh.

Somehow managed to get coffee grounds in the entire pot of coffee this morning. Elww.

The day is NOT off to a good start.

Attempting to be an optimist, I'm expecting things to turn around any minute now....maybe I'll even buy a lottery ticket.

Perfect Love

I've been thinking a lot lately about L*O*V*E. And not just your hearts and candy Valentine's Day kind of love....true love. Hard love. Everyday love. For my husband, for my kids, for myself, for people I know, for people I can't stand. Sometimes it's hard. Sometimes I fail miserably. Sometimes I do it...but with expectations, or conditions or underlying motives. Love. Seems so simple, so easy, so everyday... "I fell in love" "Oh, I love that guy!" "I love that movie" " I love Mexican food!" "I love my ipod!"

With Tyler, I am often humbled by his unadulterated, pure love. My friend Lisa commented once that when Tyler looks at me that you can tell that he loves me so much as his eyes affix to my face and almost always gives me a smile. Quite simply, he adores me. Needs me. Loves me unconditionally. And that's a nice feeling.

It's interesting how kids will love you unconditionally for a few short years. It's beautiful. And scary. Think of all the kids in the world being hurt by the people who are supposed to care for them the most, but they love them back anyway. What a gift...the love of a child. Makes me feel so unworthy. I wish I could love others the same way.

Love is patient; love is kind
and envies no one.
Love is never boastful, or conceited, or rude;
never selfish, not quick to take offense.
There is nothing love cannot face;
there is no limit to its faith,
its hope, and endurance.
In a word, there are three things
that last forever: faith, hope, and love;
but the greatest of them all is love.”

Being Real

Have you ever felt just really sick and tired of....

yourself?

I am.

Wrong on So Many Levels

Being a Northerner,
A Michigander, if you will...

I find something inherently, morally WRONG
About putting on shorts
Turning on the air conditioning
Exposing my winter-white legs to the world
80 Degrees and sunny

2 weeks away from Christmas.

I'm Bummed

Autumnal Dream

Last night
I dreamed
that you placed in my hands
Leaves.

Crisp.
Wet.
Gorgeous Leaves.
All of them Bright Red.

And they smelled so good.
Like Autumn.
Like football and apple cider and cool air and cold wind.
Like Michigan in October.

And they felt so crisp and so delicate.
Papery thin and slick with dew.

And I brought them to my face and drank them in.
Filled my nostrils with their crisp Fall smell.
Felt the crunch of them in my hand.

And when I woke up this morning
My hands were empty
And the only thing that remained
Was my memories of Autumn's cool breath.
And it made me miss home.


*sigh*